March 11, 2020 I remember it so well. Almost like it was yesterday. The last day I stepped foot in our local ShopRite for a very long time. The beginning of a new normal. Sounds funny when I put it in writing. I mean what mother would not celebrate not having to goto the food store, but at the moment it was not very funny. The fear of the unknown. The panic asking myself if I've covered all bases for my family's safety. Wondering how long 'this' will last and what 'this' will look like. Honestly, not many of us can say we ever lived through something like 'this.' So off I went to grab some essentials, mostly essentials for our family business to keep our employees safe while keeping the food store shelves stocked during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The next days, weeks and months brought their share of challenges, fears, and unknowns, some more than others, but I would like to focus on the good that came out of 'this.' Finding our 'pearls'. Pearls? Yes pearls. A dear friend, and mentor, of mine uses the pearl metaphor often in our pilates training. For her, each special learning moment (aha moment) is a pearl and those pearls make up a necklace that we carry with us. It makes us who we are as pilates instructors. I loved this so much that I have been building my own pearl necklace since. However, I have been applying it to everyday life and finding the light in the moments we face that make us who we are.
So when the quarantine began I decided here was another opportunity to add to my pearl necklace. Finding the pearls amongst this crazy time was not easy but looking back I realize exactly how easy it was.
Now, by no means am I undermining these trying times, just hoping to spread some light and love on a difficult situation. It's all how we look at it, right? Finding the good amongst a challenging time. So I took the streets, well not exactly, more like sent out a few text messages to friends, family and clients to get their perspective on the pandemic. I asked 6 questions and wanted to share some of my favorite responses. Often when we take the time to look back at a situation after some time has gone we can see things as a learning experience.
1. Remembering what was then and what is now.
"Prior to the pandemic I was a typical American trying to do too much and created a lot of stress on myself and my family juggling work, kids, sports, illnesses and more. Since the pandemic started it forced you to slow down and smell the roses. So much time was passing by prior to the pandemic and much of it was a blur because we kept running and were tired."
"I am feeling like we are rounding the corner. We’ve acclimated to this style of life now. There was much more fear last year because there were so many unknowns. Big picture, my life was only mildly inconvenienced. We are both well employed, have access to everything we truly need and managed to walk the line and spent time in person with a small group of people."
"Then: working a lot. Now: Home a lot. An adjustment but so much less stress I’m my life."
"Then: The opportunity to meet new people and get reacquainted with NY having just moved back. Being able to enjoy new experiences & have a fresh start: Now: isolation & becoming used to not socializing a lot/a bit reclusive. Working on my pilates training a lot with the time home.
2. How did you use your time?
"I used my time to focus on becoming a better me and used my time to work on my goals."
"Much of the time was spent hanging with the family, going to the beach, taking walks and just enjoying peacefulness. I was doing far more cooking and experimenting in the kitchen then in prior years which was fun. Also, made some changes in the house that were put off for many months which is great."
"My time was spent nearly the same way pre-pandemic. Driving kids to sports! Lots of movies in the beginning!"
"Before the pandemic I worked FT - now I work PT and spend so much more time focused on home and family. I dance with my 9 year old daughter every morning. I try and workout everyday and follow a routine which incudes home and family and work."
"I spent most of my time working and taking care of my kids. The beginning of the pandemic was a really stressful time in my life. The nature of my position left me working constantly. My work was in high demand and I was working non stop. I worked all day, spent little time with my family and then back to work all night. I wasn’t sleeping much and my anxiety was at an all time high. The free moments were few and far between but I used them looking at social media and becoming more sad and anxious. Everything felt like a whirlwind. This continued through the summer and even into September. "
"I’ve always loved to read and I’ve been voraciously reading books since I have been home more. Spending a lot more time with my husband . It’s a really good thing that After being home so much that we still love each other and enjoy being together."
"Here goes. I really really hated being in quarantine. So many losses, so many milestones and fun events canceled for my for beautiful and adventurous children. Entering lockdown was truly traumatic. But my children were still beautiful and they still deserved adventures. For the most part, we completed schoolwork as quickly and by doing as little as possible. It became clear this was going not going to be a year for academic growth. I was okay with that. When we closed up the laptops and said goodbye on our zoom meetings around lunchtime every day when school was over, that was it for screens. I was desperate to find outside and available places to wander and get fresh air, so that’s what we did. My children were 11, 9, and the twins were 6. The walls of our house closed in quickly if we weren’t creative! So I found parks and streams and woods and trails. I truly believe there is nothing like fresh air to feed the soul. I invested in good rain boots for all, and we went out, rain or shine."
3. How did you transform yourself, family life, professional life?
"I transformed myself by working out more and studying harder to do better in school."
"I slowed down! Having time to think was very beneficial for me. Being home for dinner was something special for me too so I can eat with my family. We also watched a lot of movies together. Professionally I started a new job which was challenging since I was hired to make a lot of change which is interesting when people do not know me. I spent much of my time planning and sharing with the teams to gain buy in which is critical."
"I didn't really transform, we just kept moving forward each day."
"I am more a mom than an employee – I still work and have a schedule but I also make sure I focus on the task at hand and not try and do a bunch of things at the same time."
"My professional life began to slow down for me in the early fall and I crashed. I was suddenly not needed anymore and it then became a confusing time in my career. Eventually I decided to stop putting so much pressure on defining my career and proving my professional worth to others. Once I did that, I was able to let go of a lot of stress. This year was one for the books and honestly I don’t know where my professional life will take me next. My family dynamic has changed a lot too. I’ve spent a lot of time with my immediate family and we’ve grown together as a unit for sure. My husband used to work very long hours and would not get home until at least 7:00pm. Since he’s been working from home, we have family meals at a decent hour and spend quality time with one another! It has honestly been the silver lining for us. I think I will have a huge adjustment when we both return to “normal” work life. I’ve been able to spend so much more time with my baby girl than I ever could of imagined. Yes I’m working but in a way, I’ve been “home” with her for the first year and a half of her life. My son has done SO well in virtual school. He has really flourished and I am so proud of his resilience and his success."
"I almost completely finished the pilates program, & finally started teaching. I became comfortable being uncomfortable, for instance, not being around friends, missing out on a lot of events. Getting used to missing out/feeling out of sorts."
4. What were your highs?
"My highs would be all the fun time i spent with my family and all the days i felt like a new happier me and really saw the good in life."
"Uno, cooking together, kitchen dance parties."
"My highs were gaining so much time. I must of saved 10 hours a weeks in traveling which is rewarding. Moving down the shore in May was also beyond rewarding since I feel very differently there despite the fact I had to work. Feeling less stressed was also part of my highs. Also, watching the snow come down and not having to drive in it."
"Hugging my best friend after 2 months of not seeing her!! Having backyard parties for my daughter and myself! We probably wouldn't have had those experiences without the pandemic."
"Moments with my family."
"So much family time, forming work boundaries, family meals, being home with my baby girl for extra time, friendship blossoming with my neighbor and now best friend, stepping away from social media."
"The highs during this past year or so has been spending more time with my children. Having them able to come for weeks at a time because they can work from anywhere their computer is is beyond wonderful. Also my son getting engaged was so special. "
"From the get-go I knew this was going to be historic, I knew if we were lucky it would probably be the only time in any of our lifetimes we would be in this situation, and I didn’t want the time to be wasted. You really only get one chance at the big stuff that matters. I would definitely say that wandering out and finding outdoor places to play, free of technology, as a family of course, we rarely to never saw extended family or friends, was what kept us all positive. Of course the kids complained getting out the door, it’s not always easy to get off the couch, but it’s always worth it."
"My brother getting engaged and being involved, the family time we’ve gotten, starting to teach pilates, spending quality time with my parents and dog Casey."
5. What were your lows?
"My lows would be the days i was mad and upset at the world and didn’t do anything to better myself i looked at all the bad things and made that my attitude and mindset making me think i was going back to a dark place."
"Dealing with my dad's sickness and ultimate death and dealing with my sister's sickness. Not being able to see my sister is extremely difficult since she will likely not live much longer. Also, in the winter being captive in the house gets challenging, especially after so many months."
"Having to tell my daughter that she wouldn't be able to play school softball."
"Not being able to be around everyone for Christmas - not being able to properly say goodbye to my father and losing y job."
"Covid anxiety (so much of this!), family relationship strength being tested, fights with family over covid, difficulty balancing everything, finding time for myself, bouts of depression, not seeing or hugging friends and family, constantly having to make small decisions that feel like HUGE ones, feeling like the weight of the happiness and safety of my family rested in my hands ALL THE TIME"
"The only low I can say is not being able to go wherever I want whenever I want. Case in point is not being able to go to Florida to be with my 89 year old mom who lives alone is difficult."
"The biggest losses for me really have to do with school for the kids. They love school. They love being with their friends. In the spring of 2020, it was so hard to not see anyone, and to think of all that they were missing, the class parties, field trips, graduations, everything that makes the school year feel full. My 9-year-old adored his teacher, and as a class so we organized a drive-by baby shower for her as the school year ended. It was so exciting, and of course I cried a little. So many emotions! One of my twins, at just 6 years old, had to abruptly say goodbye to her beloved teacher and then was told she was not allowed to see her for months on end. How do you explain that? Not easy. Her teacher got married over the summer in 2020, and we were able to see her after the ceremony and give her a hug. Again, some tears, remembering what we lost, but so much joy for the relationship that a pandemic can’t take away."
"Feeling isolated and lonely. Losing a lot of friends due to distance and the pandemic."
6. If you had the chance to do it all over again would you? If so, what would you do differently?
"If I could do it all over again i would spend less time worrying about everyone else and being upset about what’s going on I would use my time more wisely to focus on myself wether I was eating healthier working out more reading or just having fun."
"As much as want to say hell no, I enjoyed the down time with my family, but missed time with others. I would definitely take several more deep breaths and not stress over the small stuff."
" I would absolutely do it all over again. The transformation it has had on working American's is beyond anything that I thought was possible. I was against employees working from home (as were many others) and to see it come to life in such an incredible way was amazing. This would not of been possible without the force of the pandemic. Commuting to NYC and parts of NJ may be a things of the past or significantly less which allows for more family/personal time. The amount of hours gained from not commuting and the money saved will be significant. In addition, many employers will see significant benefits by reducing the size of their real estate space since many employees will remain remote."
"I wouldn't choose to do it again. If I had to do it again, I would not drink and eat so much and practice yoga more regularly. I would try and set more goals for myself and my family and really stick to them."
"I don't think I would do anything differnt - we did what we did because we had to."
"Answering the question if I had to do it all over again is a really tough one. No one wants to see people get sick and die. No one wants to experience the losses that we’ve all experienced this past year. I hate admitting this because of all the pain and suffering I see in the world but I think I would do it all over again and I wouldn’t change much. I’ve learned so much about myself, my strength, my relationships, my family, my work ethic. I’ve learned what makes me sad, what makes me happy, what is most important in life. The pandemic has made a monumental imprint on my heart and I’m forever changed. If I had to make one change, I would have take more time to work on my health... "
"I don’t know if I would take it all away. That’s a tough one. We learned a lot, we grew, but I certainly don’t want to do it again. Here’s to hoping!"
"I’m honestly not sure. There’s nothing I could’ve done much differently during the pandemic."
Wow! For certain we all have our own personal story and memory of that day when COVID-19 changed our lives forever. It's not easy to reflect, especially on this pandemic. Although this past year has been one for the books, it seems that many were able to find their pearl(s) to carry with them for a lifetime. Thank you to all who took the time to share their perspective. This past year is one for the history books.
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